In the book of Exodus God dwelt among his people; His glory a cloud that shone as a devouring fire. It rested at the top of the mountain, Moses alone could go up on behalf of the nation. He asked to see God’s face, for his full glory to be revealed. But the Lord said “you cannot see my face, for man cannot see me and live.”

At the top of another mountain, Jesus stood with Peter, James and John. As they looked on, their Lord was transfigured, his face shone brightly as the sun. Again a cloud appeared, it radiated, and they hid their faces in fear. But Jesus spoke and reached out to touch them, they looked up and saw only Him.

No one is able to see God and live. Not Moses, the disciples, or us. But Jesus has become the way. His work, his life, and his sacrifice have become the story. When we see him, we see God. When others see us, they see him. Now our lives reflect his glory.

This Sunday we will reflect on the full meaning of the transfiguration. How it shows who Jesus really is, how it changes our lives, and how we can respond to it.

-by Pastor Mike Middaugh

In Matthew 5, which is Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, we see the standard of living for God’s people.   Included, is an overview of God’s view of love and lust, marriage and divorce. The entire Sermon on the Mount points to Jesus as the only way we can hope live up to these standards, and be forgiven when we don’t.  It is clear that the gospel has a huge impact on every part of Christian life, and marriage and sex are no exception.

In considering this topic I thought it would be good to see again a few statistics that give an overview of the state of our marriages unions in America. On seeing the numbers I think it is safe to say we have a paradoxical if not conflicted view of marriage today. On the one hand, we spend more time and money than ever on the wedding ceremony itself (a phenomenon boosted by the popularity of wedding related TV shows, magazines and websites), and yet as a whole, the marriage rate is lower than it has been in at least 100 years.

1. The marriage rate in the U.S. is currently 31.01, the lowest it’s been in over a century, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Center at Bowling Green State University. That equals roughly 31 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women. In 1920, the marriage rate reached its peak at 92.3. Since 1970, the marriage rate has declined by almost 60 percent. To put this in real numbers, the total marriages fell from 2.45 million in 1990 to 2.11 million in 2010.
2. The median ages of people when they first marry (as of 2010) was 28.9 for men and 2010 for 26.9 women. I believe there is an upside to this trend because statistics also show that those who marry at a very young age are more likely to divorce. However, this older average age is also caused by the number of people choosing other forms of relationships (cohabiting or dating) instead than choosing to get married.
3. Speaking of cohabitation, now, for the first time, most people live together before they marry. Estimates suggest that around 25% of individuals ages 25-39 are currently cohabiting. Another 25% say they have cohabited in the past. An even higher percentage of divorced persons who subsequently remarry live together first. And a growing number of persons, both young and old, are living together with no plans to marry eventually.
4. The average age for childbearing is now younger than the average age for marriage. By age 25, 44 percent of women have had a baby, while only 38 percent have married. Today, only 23 percent of all unmarried births are to teenagers. Sixty percent are to women in their twenties.
5. The way we think about marriage has shifted also shifted.  For it time it was probably the cornerstone of adult life, now many might view it as the capstone.  This means that marriage is no longer the foundation on which young adults build their prospects for future prosperity and happiness, but it now comes only after they have moved toward financial and psychological independence.
6. Couples spend more on the actual wedding ceremony today than ever before. The average amount spent on a wedding today is $25,656 not including the honeymoon.
7. The national divorce rate is almost 50 percent of all marriages. But for many people, the actual chances of divorce are far below 50/50. The “close to 50 percent” divorce rate refers to the percentage of marriages entered into during a particular year that are projected to end in divorce or separation before one spouse dies. Such projections assume that the divorce and death rates occurring that year will continue indefinitely into the future—an assumption that is useful more as an indicator of the instability of marriages in the recent past than as a predictor of future events.
8. A case in point for #7 above is that a person who has been to college, has an annual income over $50,000, is religious, comes from from an intact family, and marries after age 25 without having a baby first, has a very low chance of divorce. Here are some percentage-point decreases in the risk of divorce or separation during the first ten years of marriage, according to various personal and social factors: Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000) (-30); Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage) (-24); Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18) (-24); Family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) (-14); Religious affiliation (vs. none) (-14); College (vs. high school dropout) (-25).
9. Finally, one of the more surprising findings shows that contrary to what most people might expect, couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. Many young people today have seen, or felt, the effects of divorce and want to avoid it in their own lives. As a result they wait longer to get married, date around more, and often cohabit before marriage, but this actually seems to be having a negative rather than positive effect on the strength of our marriages today.

–by Pastor Mike Middaugh

My first experience with a truly transient culture was on vicarage in Chicago. At St. James Lutheran, in the Lincoln Park neighborhood, I spent a year learning and practicing pastoral skills. It was a year of growth and change in many ways – Sandi and I had just gotten married, we moved to a new city we had only visited once, and we didn’t know a single person when we go there.

We quickly made many new friends, both at the church where I was serving, and with a number of Sandi’s Northwestern classmates, but one thing that I was taught by my supervising pastor from the beginning was that this was a transient culture. People moved in and out of the neighborhood, and in and out of the city quickly and often. Because of work demands, a relatively young population, and the many different educational institutions and internships, good friends could move away with little or no notice. Even those who did stay in one place led busy lives and could be out of town multiple weekends a month.

For a church body, this created some challenges. Volunteer responsibilities and leadership roles had high turnover, Bible Studies and small groups could be well attended one week, and nearly empty the next, and members could become disheartened as friend after friend moved away.

I thought a lot about this phenomenon while in Chicago, and in many ways, Sandi and I have lived this reality ourselves. Because of seminary, vicarage, our time in Minnesota, and now in DC, we have packed up our stuff and moved 7 times in the past 9 years. 5 of those moves were distances greater than 300 miles. As a result we now have friends scattered throughout the country, some of whom we would dearly love to spend time with (including family) but whom we almost never see.

Life in the DC area is much the same. In fact, as this article shows, the Capital Region might be the most transient in the country. Here at Calvary a number of new worshipers have joined us in the past two years, many of whom are new to the area. Likewise, we must also know that we will lose some, not because of congregational problems (we hope) but because their life takes them elsewhere.

So how do we deal with this?

From experience I can say that it is always hard to lose good friends. Building relationships is an emotional investment, and even though moving doesn’t mean you will never see each other again, it is still a heartbreaking change. Additionally, when it comes to church community, I think there is an important personal connection we share with those standing next to us as we worship, or kneeling alongside us as we commune. Part of congregational health relies on intimacy and the ability to feel close with one another in a deep way.

So, as a church in a transient area we must expect that saying goodbye (and hello) will be a way of life. It will always be tough and take something out of us. But instead of lamenting this pattern, or blaming problems on the fact that “people keep leaving,” I think there are several ways we can mentally embrace this mobile existence.

1.  People may leave, but the impact we have on one another never does. I found this to be incredibly true of both my time in Chicago and Minneapolis. As I left those two churches I know that the people there shaped me and changed me for the better. Various close acquaintances have taught me great things I might not have learned without them. They have blessed me with their love and care and examples of faith, and I hope I may have left something with them as well.
2. Transience creates opportunities. Upon realizing the transient nature of the world around us, we should examine our own church practices and culture to make sure we are ready for those moving into the area. Relocating is hard in every way. Landing in a new place can be exciting, but also scary, risky and lonely. Are we looking out for those who may be new? Are we doing everything we can to provide community and compassion for those in the mist of life’s changes?
3. Transience is made easier by understanding eternity. Saying goodbye will always be hard, whether it is a good friend moving away, or a loved one passing on. But as Christians we rely not just on this life but on the next – we know that goodbye is not forever. This may sound cliche I know, but I do think it helps in terms of dealing with transience. As I think about the churches I have left, my prayer is that I was God’s instrument in someone’s life to strengthen their faith for a time. And this isn’t just true because I am a pastor, it applies to all of us. As we care for one another, build friendships, and offer support, we also carry each other through life’s challenges bolstering one another’s faith along the way. For this reason, community is God’s gift. We should trust that even in the midst of transience, the Holy Spirit teaches us what to say and brings the right people together at the right time so that we might help each other through today until we reach tomorrow. Even if there is a good friend I may never see again, I trust and pray that God was in the midst of our relationship for a time, and that he sees them even when I don’t.