~by Pastor Mike Middaugh

In late September I attended a conference in Texas. One of the main points I heard over and over again from various speakers doing ministry in a wide range of places, from New York to Lebanon to Houston, is that Christians have to be a humble people. We cannot assume we know where someone else is coming from. We should not pretend we have all the answers. And the first step to building relationship is to be willing to learn from and listen to others. Matt Popovitz, a church planter in New York said that “the message to the person who comes in the door needs to be seasoned with humility.”

Here are three ways humility changes our conversations:

It shows that we are open to learning. One of the biggest critiques of the Christian Church is that it is antiquated and old fashioned. Christians sometimes have a reputation of being ignorant. But as we enter into conversations with humility, people will begin to sense we are open to learning – that we don’t think we know everything (because we don’t). It is true that as believers we hold onto a Truth that has the power to save, but we have to remember this Truth is not our truth it is God’s Truth. He is the giver of the Truth and desires for us to be a part of delivering it to others. We can only do this if we are first willing to learn about them, where they are from, what they value and what they believe. Only then might we be able speak into their lives with credibility and authenticity.

It displays love. Humility is a low or modest view of one’s own importance. In lowering ourselves we naturally raise up others.  This shows them we value them for them, not just in what they might be able to do for us. A great example of this comes from Carl Medearis who spent years doing mission work in the Middle East. During his time there he was able to speak publicly about Jesus in surprising places such as Arab League meetings and mosques. He spent years proclaimed the gospel to an audience we would have never expected to be receptive. So how was that possible. He first loved these people and got to know them. He moved to Lebanon for 12 years, he learned Arabic, and he grew to understand their views. He was eventually able to talk about what he believes, because he spent many years loving other people first. That’s a humble heart at work.

It softens hearts. Nothing can build a bridge as quickly as admitting our own weaknesses. Another conference speaker, a pastor in inner-city Detroit, said there was a time that his teenage son was becoming rebellious and distant. This pastor made the decision to share some of these family challenges with his congregation’s leadership. They understood, and rather than blaming him they embraced him. One of the women even confided with him, saying that for the first time she felt like he understood the pain experienced by so many mothers and fathers in that neighborhood who watched their own kids stray. This pastor could have managed his family situation and never let on there were problems. Instead, he chose to be humble, he opened himself up to others and the result was deeper friendship and heightened credibility.

Humility can change our conversations. It can prevent us from alienating and offending, and if we look to Jesus’ example we see humility lived out in His life. He put others first, He desired to really know them, He showed empathy for their plight. He then gave his life out of love for His people becoming the way of salvation that we receive but never earned.

Humility can change our relationships, and when tied to the gospel it has the power to change our world.

~by Pastor Mike Middaugh

On Monday morning a video was released of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice involved in an altercation with his then fiancée, Janay. The video showed Rice delivering a brutal punch that knocked her out cold. As I watched the video, I felt both disgust and outrage and a bit of anger. How could a man do that to someone he claims to love?

Since Monday I have been shocked at some of the responses to this story.

Several news outlets have almost seemed to defend Rice as they covered the story. Others have found ways to place blame on his fiancée. Others have mocked or made light of the situation. And even as I was with some fellow pastors yesterday I was surprised at the passivity with which some of them reacted — suggesting that this issue had already been resolved back in February, or that this new news was just dragging the family back through it, or perhaps that we don’t know the full story, that we are blowing this out of proportion.

I don’t see how there is any way to respond to this issue except one: we cannot ignore abuse. It is awful and it is ugly. It is demeaning, and strips the recipient of their dignity. It is very often kept private and locked away. Many times it is recurring, and sometimes it is generational.

The only way to stop abuse is to agree that it is wrong, and the only way to get it out of the shadows is to bring it into the light. We have to make a big deal out of it because it is a big deal.

I am glad the Ravens responded the way they did — they probably should have done it when the incident first took place months ago. This is especially important when it comes to those in the public light; athletes are idolized by our youth, and to do nothing says that nothing is wrong.

This is about more than Ray Rice — he and his now wife are undoubtedly suffering through all of this, and I do not feel it is our place to opine how she should or should not have reacted.

But as Christians we should be the strongest voice when it comes to violence and abuse. We believe that all people are created in the image of God, that we each embody a certain aspect of God’s glory. Abuse of all kinds is a desecration of that image that rests both within the abuser and the one abused.

Over the past few weeks, we have been discussing forgiveness.. We can and should be outraged by the event that took place. We should seek to bring it to the light. We should seek justice to prove the weight of these events. In this case Rice was responsible for his actions, no one else, just him, and so consequences come. But we should also seek forgiveness, at least within our hearts. Forgiveness means we desire good for him and his future. It means we avoid characterizing all athletes as “thugs.” It means we work toward a better future, a world in which things like this don’t happen.

It does not mean we are complacent. There are some things we can’t ignore.

Do Not be Overcome by Evil, but Overcome Evil with Good
Romans 12:9-21

How can we put into practice the love that Christ has shown to us? How can we learn to live peacefully with others even when they harm or insult us?

1. Bless your enemies
a. Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
b. It is almost impossible to hate someone you are praying for.
c. By praying for others and desiring their good, God changes our heart.

2. Do not take revenge, instead forgive
a. Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
b. When we dwell on what someone has done to us, it poisons us and not them.
c. But forgiveness is setting our heart on desiring their good and letting go of what has happened.

3. Do not avoid them
a. Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
b. Avoiding someone, removing our friendship, is a form of punishment and revenge.
c. When we avoid someone, or shut them out of our lives, we will never learn anything from them, and they can never learn anything from us. Neither of us will ever be made better by the other.
d. It ends all chances of the relationship being restored.

4. Desire good for their lives
a. Romans 12:17 Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
b. We may not know what causes someone else to act a certain way, they may have things happening in their lives that are challenging and disruptive.
c. Our goal is to desire their good, to hope for their success, and to help them in any way we can.

5. Oppose them humbly
a. Romans 12:20 If your enemy is hungry feed them. If they are thirsty give them something to drink. Pour burning coals on their head.
b. The only loving way to change someone’s heart is to oppose them in humility.
c. Return evil with kindness, shower them with goodness and love.
d. Seek to build a relationship out of humility and then you will have won them over to change their lives for good.
e. Proverbs 25:11 – A gentle word can break a bone.

How can we do this? We must have a breathtaking and intimate view of our God and of what he has done for us. We must know Jesus and see him for who he is.

The only thing that will change a servant who acts like a king is to get to know a King who acts like a servant. The rightful Judge of all the earth allowed himself to be judged. Realizing what he has done for us can change our hearts, it can soften our ego and humble our pride. When we see Jesus giving himself for us, and also for others, our perspective and behavior will be changed.